The Big Brother rules clearly state that while they are in the house, housemates will have no contact with the outside world. In BB7, much-forgotten housemate Dawn was ejected for breaking it, having set up a code with her family.

Yet, throughout the summer, the producers themselves have stretched this rule to its’ limit.

The most obvious example of this is the people that they’ve sent in for tasks — the special forces, the ex-housemates, Robin (the guy who dated Bea), the Queen lookalike and her bodyguards, and most recently Marcus’s mum and three impersonators — though being honest, this hasn’t really bothered me.

It’s one thing breaking the rule when it’s going to add to the show - The Birthday Week task was a good way to mark ten series (although it was typical that Federico told them of Michael Jackson’s death), and Rodrigo’s recent meeting with the ‘Queen’ was one of the best moments for years - I was in stitches watching it.

But it’s another when breaking the rule might take away from it, and what has bothered me is yesterday’s magazine task. Here is a line taken directly from the rulebook:

Big Brother will never discuss with Housemates how they’re shown on television; how they’re being represented in other forms of media; or anything else that has happened in the outside world.

So why did bosses give the housemates magazines containing articles about them and the series yesterday?

Thanks to this, Bea is unhappy that she has been dubbed ‘Bonkers Bea’, Charlie has learnt that BB9’s Luke and Bex have accused him of ‘pretending to be nice’ in their column, and Sophie now knows one mag thinks she is pregnant.

This could easily influence their behaviour in the house, especially considering we’re now in to the final few weeks and the finish line is in sight.

It’s a shame really, as I think this would have been a great task otherwise, especially as a shopping task. Would it have been that hard to find back issues of magazines containing no Big Brother coverage?

I’m well aware that Big Brother reserves the right to change the rules at any time, but to forget about the core principles of the show’s format is a crime.

If only we could send him to jail…

Now, I have a bit of a problem here.  I agreed to blog about Big Brother, yet after not missing an episode in nine years, this year I find myself unable to watch the show.    As I posted back in week one, messing with the eviction interview format was the final straw for me, and since then I’ve not watched a single highlights show.

Live Nominations

I did gave the live nominations a chance though, and although an unimaginative way to fill an extra show, it worked quite well.   However, despite the positive feedback the coverage of nominations in the shows since is said to be worse than ever, despite nominations being the number one draw in bringing viewers to the highlights shows.   The Tuesday shows have consistently been the highest rated for years.

Happy Birthday

I was happy too that for once Big Brother were really hyping themselves up for its early “tenth birthday”, and the return of ex-HMs did tempt me back into watching the show.   However, I only watched those bits - and actually found myself physically unable to be treated like an imbecile by the narration of Marcus Bentley.

Most disappointing of all though was the live Friday shows, where despite them being promoted as special birthday editions the occasion was hardly even mentioned, and the only “unexpected surprises” on offer was the predictable entry of a bunch of new HMs - something which has happened a few weeks in every year since BB6.

To be fair the second show was put together rather well - but yet again Big Brother completely failed to promote itself.   Davina should have been teasing viewers throughout the first that one of the newbies had a connection to one of the originals, whilst during the second the “twist” which was coming up at the end of the show wasn’t mentioned at all - until it happened.

Fix - in some peoples opinions!

So on Thursday Kenneth left, and in yet another bad decision made by the producers this year, this weeks’ eviction was axed.   With ten more nominees, and the precedent being that unless there are just two nominees (and one quits), the eviction will go ahead, there was no reason at all for this eviction not to go ahead - and in having to refund all votes, rather than just those made for Kenneth (even though voters had got what they wanted - his departure), they made things even more difficult for themselves.

Also with Marcus second favourite to go before Kenneth’s departure,this inevitably led to accusations of “fix”, with a belief that producers are keen to keep the Marcus/Noirin non-relationship story going, something the (unconfirmed) rumours of Noirin’s ex entering the house only fuelled further.

Now, rumours of “fix” have been a part of Big Brother pretty much since the first eviction vote, but for me I never questioned the ethics of the producers until BB8, when they clearly appeared to be doing everything they could to keep Charley in, even though her dominance was damaging the show.    Once she’d gone they seemed to do the same with Carole, for reasons nobody understands - and now it seems to be happening with Marcus too.

Three Strikes

The sudden desire to put housemates up for eviction for breaking the rules also fuels the “fix” rumours, which started with Kris, Sophie and Charlie being nominated by Big Brother when Marcus and Halfwit were up for eviction - something producers were aware of before they issued the punishments.

Big Brother 3 had the right idea with the simple and effective “three strikes and your out” punishment system, a system which meant dispensable housemates couldn’t be put up for eviction as a scapegoat for a minor rule breach in order to save a bigger character.

Logged Off!

I was going to spend this blog moaning about the official website - if you can call it that.   It’s worse than ever this year, and only updated for around six hours a day - with half of those updates being completely unrelated to events in the house.

What makes it even more of an insult was that the website was used as the justification for axing the live feed, with complainers told they were refocussing efforts on uploading video clips.   Trouble is, those clips are rarely from the house - most the clips this week have been pre-series audition footage.

Big Brother is a 24/7 concept, and it needs to be covered 24/7.    Any events which happen after around 5pm don’t get reported until the next afternoon, whilst arguably the biggest breaking story of the series so far - Kenneth’s escape - wasn’t covered by the official site for around 5 hours.

Somehow in a stroke of luck Matt found himself awake at that hour on Thursday morning and covered the story in full here on bbspy, but could only do so due to it being within the E4 streaming hours.

So lucky for us, but whilst all this was unfolding the official webteam were all safely tucked up in their beds.   They should have just ditched the website and kept the live feed - and then let the fansites and wider media do all the hard work.

After all, we’re better at it!

stick with bbspy!

Ten unsuspecting contestants moved into the Big Brother house on Friday 14th July 2000, but although they could be watched live online it wasn’t until the following Tuesday that Big Brother made it’s TV debut, with highlights from the first weekend.

In They Go

The titles role and then we get a few random snippets of the first weekend in the house as Marcus Bentley (before he was Geordie, before he spoke slowly) introduces the concept:

“For the last four days 10 people have been living together in a specially built house, completely cut off from the outside world.   No TV, no radio, no newspapers, only each other for company - but all the time, cameras are recording there every move.”

We then cut to a VT of the housemates being driven from their homes to the Big Brother house along with footage of from behind the scenes, with  Marcus explaining “Big Brother is always watching”. Without fanfare, Marcus introduces the housemates one by one as they cross the bridge and make their way into the house, adding:

“Although the Big Brother team controls their environment, how they live in the house is entirely up to them.  No one can predict their reactions or their behaviour.”

The door closes and we then move to the action inside.   We get a brief glimpse of them meeting each other, but then skip to something far more important - the chickens!   A few jokes about fertilising eggs from Craig and then we cut to his VT - a short introduction filmed at his home.   The other housemates’ VTs are dotted throughout the show.

Day 1 - actually, you can read the time yourself!

We jump to 4.13pm in the afternoon - but Marcus doesn’t feel the need to tell us this, or name check any individuals.    The narration throughout is much more informal, and before you have time to say “All of the housemates are in the house”, we’ve jumped to 8.32pm and then to Nicholas - or as he became known, Nasty Nick - and his VT.    He tells us he’s a broker at Lloyds, so I guess we can somehow blame him for the recession now, and tells us he’s a vice-president at Fulham FC - something I suspect was a lie in hindsight.

The housemates keep themselves entertained by playing a game in which they reveal three secrets, one of which is a lie.   Here we learn Nick went to school with Prince Edward, Andrew did a live sex show in the Phillipines and Anna was a nun - but quit when she started fancying her fellow sisters.  We then cut to 11.37pm, and are told “After a late meal the girls decide to turn in.   At the end of day 1, the men are on their own,” and with an explanation about the night vision cameras, that’s Day 1 finished.

Day 2

A quick gratuitous shower shot to explain housemates get an hour of water a day and we then move on to 11.30am, as Big Brother makes contact with the housemates for the first time - with a beep.   That signals the storeroom is unlocked, and there they find the details of the first task - making clay pots.    The housemates opt to gamble 20% of their £1.50 per person per day budget on the task.

Next it’s 5.29pm and Mel is already flirting with Andrew, and then after another housemate VT we learn Nicholas is a “trained healer” - yeah, right.  Caroline falls for it as Nicholas hovers his hands over her head before moving onto the breasts.   Mel and Andrew look on rather suspiciously.

This is Big Brother

6.16pm and we here the voice of Big Brother for the first time, calling Thomas to the diary room.   Marcus explains it is the only place in the house anyone can communicate with Big Brother in private, and as Tom admits he’s struggling to push himself forward in the group, Mel has moved on to flirting with Nicholas.

“Late evening, conversation turns to sexual preferences.  Anna, the ex-nun, reveals hers.“    Or to translate:  “Day 2.   11.29pm.   All of the housemates are in the house.    The housemates have been discussing their sexual preferences for the last 17 minutes and 24 seconds.” A frank discussion about lesbianism follows, discussion which would probably lead to certain idiots complaining to OFCOM nowadays, before the housemates head off to bed.

Tofu or not Tofu

Day 3, 10.57am and the housemates are doing their shopping, with Marcus interjecting through the scene to explain how they “pool their allowance to buy food and luxuries to supplement their basic rations”.

Now, as much as C4 may have tried to sell it as a valuable psychological experiment, let’s face it - it was the prospect of nudity which attracted a lot of the early attention, and on Day 3 at 12.29am, naked clay body painting delivered what the press had been waiting for - and as Caroline plays her saxophone in the garden, half the housemates get naked and plastered in clay in the lounge.    Now, that wouldn’t happen nowadays!

Playing the Game

Day 3, 5.00pm and Marcus casually informs us a rock concert is going on nearby as Nicholas grills Darren on what he brings to the house and whether he thinks he can win.    An interesting discussion initiated by Mel follows about whether her and Darren are the “token” black housemates.

The discussion moves on to how Darren can afford to have children, with Darren saying it’s a question people ask him a lot, and then Nicholas joking they think he’s a “drug dealer”, something still on Darren’s mind later.   Back then it was passed off as a joke - if it happened today it’s another comment which I’m sure OFCOM would be called upon to investigate.

Nicholas and Mel then begin to discuss the housemates, with talk eventually turning to who they think will be nominated first (and it’s Mel asking Nick) and evicted by the public, with Nick suggesting “Sadie” and Tom, and that Darren, “Sadie” and Tom would be voted out if all housemates face the vote, before Mel suggests the public are “idiots”, quickly realising that might not be a wise thing to say.

Big Brother says no

It’s 11.23pm, and already a classic Big Brother mistake has been made.  Nowadays it is something which the housemates would usually get around, but back then, Big Brother put his foot down.

“There’s a bit of a crisis. They’ve run out of toilet paper and have asked Big Brother for more.   They’re about to find out they should have thought more carefully when they compiled their shopping list.“

In other words, Big Brother says no - and the housemates quickly agree to use their hands instead.

And on that note, the first ever episode of Big Brother comes to an end and the credits role - interestingly enough, the narrator isn’t deemed worthy of a mention in the credits.

Innocent Nostalgia

Nowadays the appeal of it is very much for it’s nostalgic value, but with three days covered in a one-hour show, the pacing of the show was much quicker than now, meaning  nothing in the show felt like a filler scene.

The most notable difference as I’ve mentioned throughout is the narration.   Not just less Geordie, but far more informal too - and it felt all the better for it.   The viewers are treated as if they can think for themselves.

Above all though it was all much more innocent back then - not just the housemates being oblivious to what being on the show would mean for them, but also it was a time where every comment made didn’t lead to an influx of complaints to OFCOM - and hence back then, the housemates truly could be themselves.

As regular commenters will know, we get some complaints for being too negative towards the show, so it’s incredibly ironic I’m about to praise one element of this year’s series that has left a large number of fans unhappy.

Yes, live nominations. As soon as Channel 4’s press release announcing the twist hit my inbox on Tuesday afternoon, my heart sunk. I am one of the many who thought it was a waste of a live special.

After all, the producers had an extra thirty minutes of airtime to play with yesterday. Was live nominations the best twist they could come up with, especially as they were just regular nominations sped up to fit the time limit?

However, after seeing it play out on last night’s show, I can now say that  — for me at least — it was better than the face-to-face nominations twists used in recent series.

Taking it for what it was, I thought it was executed brilliantly. The show’s fast-paced nature made it a joy to watch.

The two lights in the Diary Room, which were illuminated when each housemate had 30 seconds left and when their time ran out, served their purpose well, but the icing on the cake for me was the graphics.

Who needs Marcus Bentley to narrate when you can put up a handy chart at the end of each turn telling us how many votes each housemate has?

If it meant that we’d be able to see them in full, I’d be happy for the producers to do a live nominations show every week, as Big Brother’s Australian sibling did.

But at the very least they need to impose a time limit on normal nominations, as we’ve now seen proof that there’s no need for Big Brother to drag the process out for hours on end.

The Outcome

However, I can’t say I was as happy with the outcome of the twist, as Halfwit and Angel –  two of my favourite housemates — are now facing eviction. It pains me that Sree (who is incredibly irritating) was only one nomination away from joining them.

I blame Noirin. If only she’d nominated Sree instead of Halfwit. What a nice thing to do to the person who saved her from drawing glasses and a moustache on her face daily.

Hopefully karma will come back to hit her next week.

What did you think of last night’s special? Please share your thoughts below.

Brekkie wrote a blog on highlighting how other countries had attempted to rescue their versions of Big Brother in the face of falling ratings.  Brekkie then abruptly ended his blog after realising he needed more time to consider what those changes could be.

Well, it turns out relaunching the series isn’t as easy as I first thought.   It’s one thing relaunching the format with a new series, but much more difficult to relaunch it mid-series as you are somewhat constrained by the practicalities - the house and the housemates for example.

However, it is essential for any revamp to work that the changes made are the right ones, so as tempting as an eviction massacre might be, I think the problems with this series lie more with the producers than the housemates - so although some new housemates are inevitable, replacing the existing ones is not the solution.

Similarly this years house isn’t easy to adapt to new formats, so we pretty much are solely reliant on making changes to the format which affect how the housemates live together in the house, rather than changing the structure of the house itself.

So, how should this relaunch work?

Well, firstly it needs to be done sooner rather than later so forget using the face to face nominations twist yet again, and instead bring forward this weeks eviction to Wednesday.   The Friday show then becomes Relaunch Night, and is heavily promoted as such to ensure people know change is coming to Big Brother.

And as for the relaunch itself.   Well, in my opinion the relaunch needs to happen in two phases.

Firstly, there needs to be a major twist designed to grab the attention of those who are not watching and bring viewers back to the show.    And secondly, there needs to be some more long term changes which will affect the basic format of the show for the rest of the series.

In addition, problems with how the show is produced need to be addressed too, with changes made to how the nightly highlights are put together and even more crucially, the format of the live shows changed so that eviction night stands out from a standard daily highlights show.

And to show they mean business, for many viewers the live feed really does have to return.   That is a stumbling block which simply needs to be addressed to restore the relationship between the viewer and Big Brother.   Without it, even the best relaunch could be in vain.

Ideas

As I said, relaunching the show mid-series is actually quite a difficult task and I haven’t really come to any conclusions as for the best way to proceed.   Therefore, I’m just going to post a few random ideas below for you to see what you think:

Big Brother gets Tough

This is more a change in attitude than a change in format - but after three weeks of a rather easy life, Big Brother could make things a lot tougher for the housemates.    Replace the comfy beds with army cots, and force the housemates to sacrifice many of their personal belongings, only allowing them to keep a few essentials.

Big Brother Slop could be put back on the menu, with new task rules meaning each and every housemate is judged individually when it comes to the tasks.    Therefore if they want nice food, each housemate has to pass the task - and not rely on others to pass it for them.

And crucially, ensure the challenges get personal - tougher tasks with more desirable rewards for the winners, and more severe consequences for the losers.

The Glass House

Now, there are limits on how the house can be revamped, but it’s not completely impossible to make changes.   However, that does means sacrificing the lounge - probably the best room in the house - by moving the sofas into the living area and converting the lounge for a new function.

In this case, it becomes “The Glass House”, and home to four new “glass mates”.    However, only one of them can become a fully fleged housemate - and to do so they must outlast the others in a battle of endurance.     There is a button in the middle which the “glass mates” can press at any time to quit - but once they do quit, they are evicted.   If after one week a winner hasn’t been determined, during the next live show temptations would be made in order to encourage some of them to quit so a winner can be crowned.

Some of you may be aware that Australia did something similar with the ‘White Room’ a couple of years ago, and this could be very effective as phase one of any relaunch - the big twist which grabs the attention of the viewers Big Brother has lost this year.

The “glass mates” can see and be seen by the housemates, but can not socialise with them - although for an hour each morning the glass mates may get use of the garden, whilst the housemates are still in bed.

Head of House

Before this series began many fans, including the purists, agreed the time was right for the UK to fully adapt the Head of House concept, switching to a format similar to that used in Brazil, where each week the Head of House nominates one person for eviction, with the other housemates then nominating to determine the second housemate up for eviction.   The public then as usual decide the evictee.

Now, ideally this format would have been in place from the start, but perhaps it’s not too late to make the change now.    The only issue is that really for the Head of House status to mean more than just immunity, the Head of House should also have their own private room.    Again, the house limits the possibilities, but again converting the lounge is really the only option.

One thing format would do though is give the week a more solid structure.    The eviction shows could be revamped so the Head of House challenge takes place live during the second show, and then on Saturdays the housemates can compete for food, whilst on Sunday the nominations would take place.

On Monday another element of the Head of House format, the Veto, would come into play, with housemates competing for the power to save a nominee, and then on Tuesday the winner of the Veto can announce their decision, and should a nominee be saved, the Head of House would then nominate a replacement.

An extra luxury challenge on Wednesday would then mean the daily shows always contain a key event, giving Big Brother not just a more solid structure for the rest of the series, but a format new to UK viewers too.

And that’s about as much as I can squeeze out of my creative juices at the moment, but hey, unlike the producers, I’m not being paid to be creative.

So what do you think - could any of the ideas I’ve posted work, and even if not, is it better to try something rather than nothing?

And of course, if you’ve got any ideas of your own, please share them below.   I’m sure between us we could come up with some sort of rescue plan to save BB10.

I’m still roughly aware of the main events of the week, such as the not exactly mind-blowing tasks, and Big Brother proving just when you think things can’t get any worse, they have Vanessa Feltz and Iain Lee - on the same show!

Anyhow, enough moaning - this blog is intended to be a bit more positive.

And by that I mean it’s time the producers took some positive action - if they act within the next week, they have a change of rescuing something out of the mess that is BB10 and lift the ratings from around the 2m mark back towards the heady heights of nearer 3m.

How, I hear you ask?

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures so nothing should be ruled out.    Let’s first take a look at what other countries have done mid-season when viewers have turned away from Big Brother, with varying degrees of success.

Evict Half the Housemates

The sixth season in Belgium was at a ratings low, so on Day 23 they announced half the housemates would be evicted.   The housemates were split into two groups, with viewers voting for which group to evict.   On Day 27 the “Big Exit” took place and six replacements were sent in, including two moles.

In the end it didn’t work out - there has only been one celebrity series since - but at least they tried something.

New (yet old) nominations

Not the best example, as BB Australia actually did give their final series the overhaul it had been waiting for.    However, it didn’t boost the ratings as the network would have liked, so a few weeks in they admitted their new nomination format (with the viewers nominating, housemates evicting) wasn’t working, so introduced a “new” format - which seemed remarkably similar to the format used in the seven years previously, with housemates nominating and viewers evicting.

In the end it didn’t save the show from the axe, but it was enough to make it feel like Big Brother again - after a first few weeks where for many, it didn’t.

Big Brother - Reloaded

Not all revamps lead to the axe, and for Big Brother Germany, a very public relaunch helped the show recover from a poor start in the ratings.  With the show running for a lengthy seven months, the producers took action just one month into the latest series - and made a lot of noise about the changes they would make.

The theme tune was changed, the show was rebranded “Big Brother Reloaded”, and whilst housemates were locked in the task rooms for a weekend, the house itself even had a makeover.    The rules surrounding their Heaven and Hell divide were changed so that Hell would primarily be home only to the nominees and any rule breakers, while three “All Stars” - popular housemates from previous series - entered the house as fully fledged contestants.

And although these mid-season revamps had mixed success, it’s clear that it’s better to try something than to try nothing at all.

Indeed even Big Brother UK has usually had a trick up their sleeve in previous series to give the series a boost after the initial interest calms down, with twists such as the Secret Garden, the House Next Door and even BB8’s “Fake Week”.

So what can producers do to rescue this series of Big Brother?

Well, stay tuned to find out.

Firstly, I’m just a guest blogger on here - it’s Matt’s site, and he remains committed to it.  Indeed although my commitment to Big Brother may be waning, my commitment to bbspy isn’t.   I’ll still be keeping an eye on Big Brother, and genuinely hope it can win me back at some point.  For now though, I’m just not watching the highlights shows every night.

Unfortunately due to some comments we had to take this article down overnight, but here it is now in all it’s glory.

In the last ten years I’ve watched every single episode of Big Brother.  Tonight, I’m not watching, and Big Brother only has itself to blame.

After all, if Big Brother doesn’t care about the viewers, why should we care about Big Brother?

Putting the whole live feed issue to one side, this series has just shown utter contempt for viewers, and the new eviction interview format was the final straw for me.

The fanbase has long argued that the eviction shows needed revamping, but although Davina has always got a bit of flak for her interview technique, I’ve not once seen anyone suggest bringing in guests to steal the evictees’ limelight was required.

No, we all said it was the first show that needed changing, so it was an actual eviction show like in the early series, not just highlights and phone numbers.   What did we get last night - highlights and phone numbers!

Then in the months following Big Brother 9, and especially after this years Celebrity Big Brother,  even the most purist of long term fans were agreeing a massive overhaul of the show was required.

What do we get - the same old format with the same old rules.   Oh, and a few new ones nobody wants, like banning “fake romances”.    Who is Big Brother to judge whether a romance is fake or for real?

We all want Marcus to let the action do the talking, yet the narration of the highlights remains unchanged, while everyone agreed the pre-season promo campaign was no longer effective.    So what do C4 do - the same as always!

If C4 and producers had listened to the fans more closely, rather than relying on their imaginery “focus groups”, the show wouldn’t be in the mess it’s in now.

It might not be easy to keep viewers watching, but it’s going to be even harder to win them back - and those who have been the most loyal will be the toughest audience of all.

The only chance is for them to hold their hands up and admit they made mistakes, and like the current series in Germany, have a very public revamp in order too get BB10 back on track.

And that needs to happen sooner, rather than later.

The opinions expressed in this article are those of its author and are not necessarily representative of bbspy or its other staff members.

I’m firmly strapped in now for another thirteen weeks of Big Brother coverage, but I’ve got some very mixed opinions on what we’ve seen of it so far. There are some things I really like about it, and others I’m not so sure about.

So, here’s a run down of my thoughts so far split in to three sections - The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

The Good

The twist - It was a good idea on paper - certainly better than just having the housemates earn furniture, even if it was slightly similar to BB7’s Big Brotherhood. The tasks let it down though - see below.

The lounge - I love love love love the lounge. They’ve got it so right this year - the last two ’sofa areas’ have been alright at best, but the new lounge is visually attractive and looks very comfortable. I’m also glad to see the sofas in their own room again - it makes the area seem a lot more cosier. It was unveiled for the first time today - if you haven’t seen it yet you can here.

The outdoor stage - It’s nice that the outdoor stage has been slightly extended this year, though it looks a bit half-done. They should have embedded some lights in the top as they did with the oval part of it.

The Eviction and BBLB studios - Whilst it’s not my favourite eviction studio ever (that’s another title which goes to BB7 for me), this year’s set is very unique and is a lot more attractive than last year’s. However, they got the BBLB set almost spot on this year - it’s very good looking and certainly light years ahead of the ugly orange studio from last year. If I was being picky I’d say it’s a bit too similar to BB8’s, but my bigger concern is that the eviction set is visible on the left hand side - they should have hidden it with a black wall.

Lucozade’s sponsorship idents - Okay, so they’re not the best (I personally miss the ‘lets-film-people-making-shapes-from-overhead’ TalkTalk ads), but  the Dreams ones sent me to sleep (how very apt!)

Davina - She’s just brilliant, isn’t she? I can’t help but love Big Mutha - long may she present BB!

The Bad

Live Feed - I won’t elaborate too much to spare the sanity of some of our users, but it looks like Channel 4 might backtrack on their decision to axe it. Fingers crossed.

Spoilers - I accept that Channel 4’s press department face a tougher and tougher challenge in publicising the show, but I miss the days of yore when launch night twists and the Diary Room design were kept secret until Day 1.

The twist’s tasks - With the exception of the ‘walking over glass’ task, the challenges Big Brother set for housemates to gain their status weren’t great. Halfwit and Dogface’s new names might be funny for a couple of days, but the real insult was when Lisa got her place by picking up the phone. So much for challenging their pride and fears.

The rest of the house - While the lounge looks amazing, I can’t say the same about the rest of the house. The entrance hall looks like something out of BBUSA (think how much better it would be with some lovely neon lighting going up the sides), the bedroom looks like it’s been leftover from Celebrity Hijack, the main area is too sci-fi for my liking, and the chipboard in the kitchen makes it seem lazy and unfinished.

The bathroom isn’t too bad, and nor is the garden, but there’s room for improvement in both areas. I also don’t like how it’s not as open plan as previous houses - the kitchen particularly feels too shut-off.

The Big Mouth studio - The straight-out-the-bedroom splats and the straight-out-the-entrance-hall pink columns make the Big Mouth studio look awful.

The Eviction bus - I did like how it linked in with the Bus Stop in the garden, but it wasn’t that great an idea.

George - Please let us vote to evict him. And please let us vote to bring in Caroline Flack to replace him.

The Ugly

The Graphics - This year’s graphics are clearly the worst in years. The titles are okay - I love the pixelly interference theme, but the 3D cameras are weird and the reused 3D eye shots from the advertising campaign smack of laziness. However, they’re nowhere near as bad as the rest of the on-screen graphics (with the exception of the full screen closing credits).

Goodness they’re ugly. Whenever they come up on screen I think someone’s projectile vomited on to the camera lens. The graphics looked so polished and professional for BB6, 7, 8 and even 9. In fact, it’s really hard to believe that the same people behind the graphics in those series are responsible for this year’s. What the hell were they thinking?

The Diary Room chair - Talking of things that looked better in previous series, this year’s Diary Room chair is terrible. It’s painful to think about the lovely slick modern chairs of yesteryear and then look at the monstrosity they’ve chosen for the next three months.

So, that’s almost everything covered. The only things I’ve missed (I think) are the housemates - my first opinions on them will follow in my next post.

As always, I want to know what you think about the issues I’ve raised - post your own thoughts in the comments section below.

It’s good to be back!